Moods are symptoms. Don’t just react. Look under the surface and connect with the other person to solve or even prevent an outburst, tantrum, or other negative behavior.

I talked about this in a previous post, “Pain Is the Root Of Anger, and Why You Should Care” but today I’d like to amplify that by sharing the following post by Rebecca Thompson, M.S., MFT.

Her blog is about parenting, and this post of hers in particular reminded me of when my son was a toddler and he would routinely become annoying, fussy, and troublesome when he was tired. It was an irritating distraction for work-at-home parents. Of course the instantaneous reactionary impulse was to be short with him, tell him to stop being that way, even yell at him. But I wanted to love and help him, not hurt him. I found that all I had to do when he started acting badly, was realize that he had been awake for hours, and then pick him up and rock him on my shoulder. He felt the loving connection and quickly fell asleep. When he awoke, he was always able to behave much better.

For older kids too big to hold or too old for naps, a hug can be just as refreshing–like rebooting a computer which has clogged up and can’t function right.

For even older people or those you aren’t so personal with, look for a way to give a verbal hug. A kind word, compliment, or some acknowledgement that you are sympathetic.

Meeting and treating on a personal root level works with a person of any age—infant, toddler, teen, adult, and elderly. It can even work with animals.

Read Rebecca’s post: An Alternative View of Tantrums and Emotional Upsets

Or visit her website by clicking this image:

 

© NPM

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Stop with the easy question. Ask the right question & YOUR answer will make you JOYFUL. ...( http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/ )

Stop with the easy question. Ask the right question & YOUR answer will make you JOYFUL.

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Life is a beautiful forest, and I see that most of the time. But when I’ve bumped my nose on a tree trunk, it’s easy to get wrapped up in thinking about “that stupid tree that’s always in my way.”

It goes like this:

Angry. Short of patience even though I don’t want to be. Frustrated. Tired. Very tired of the same things over and over. “Why does life have to be so hard!?!?” I think.

Wrong question.

I know why life is hard in general: so we’ll learn—learn patience, self-control, love, endurance, humility, cooperation (with each other and with God), appreciation for better times, etc.

But why SO hard? Why so hard that I can’t seem to manage what I think I ought to be accomplishing?

Still the wrong question.

Would I really be content with life as it is if I had any clearer understanding of WHY life is as it is? No!

If life is hard so that we learn and grow, then we aren’t even supposed to be content exactly as is—we’re supposed to be growing and moving on, changing our thinking and our approach and our outcome to something better than what comes naturally.

Looking backwards at how we got to the state we are in is helpful, to see consequences of actions so we can make better choices as we go on. Looking backwards can also be helpful in seeing what all we’ve forgotten that we should be thankful for, so we realize that life isn’t as bad as it might seem when only focused on a small part.

But when one is angry and frustrated, then asking “why” life is as it is, is actually mostly looking to blame. Why did God put me in this lousy life? Why don’t other people make my life easier? Why am I so stupid I don’t do something completely different?

Blame breads bitterness, loneliness, and depression. When vented, angry blame only make a problem bigger.

Life is what it is—so far as the present moment. The future depends on our choices.

The right question is “What am I going to do to make things BETTER?”

As long as there’s a plan or an idea to move forward positively, there’s hope for goodness. And where there’s hope and action, there’s joy, and love, and progress toward all good things.

When positivity is radiated, improvement can grow and multiply.

So what are you going to do to make things better?

NOT “What are you going to do for revenge?” NOT “What are you going to do to get free of miserable responsibilities?”

What are YOU going to do to make things TRULY BETTER?

That is the right question. And the answer will make you joyful.

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© NPM

(Images courtesy of David Castillo Dominici, dan, & Stuart Miles, at http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/ )

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Gifting Genie Inc. - business card - www.giftinggenie.com

Here’s our business card for Gifting Genie, Inc.


Back in May I wrote you a little poem about being busy making the website for a new business I was starting with a friend:

https://nonameportermcshirley.wordpress.com/2012/05/08/its-been-a-busy-spring/

Well the website is finally finished, and the business up and running.

With so many occasions, YOU’LL HAVE A LOT MORE TIME if you let the Genie take care of the gifts for you!”


Sure you can give gifts cheaper if you do it yourself, but think of the time you spend thinking up what might make someone happy, shopping for it, wrapping it, going to the post office and paying for shipping (or trying to hide it at home, if it’s for a close family member).

Multiply that time by several people on your shopping list, times two or three occasions per year.

Think of the stress and hassle when you don’t remember an important occasion until it’s almost too late to buy a gift.

What about grandparents who would like their growing number of grandchildren to each receive special gifts throughout the year, but aren’t physically able to do that much shopping?

SOLUTION:
Fill out our questionnaire, choose the amount you want to spend, and pay securely through PayPal.com. Then put your mind and your time to other things—the Gifting Genie will take care of all the hassle and make sure your friends, family or colleagues receive gifts on time, on your behalf.

Fill out the questionnaire only once, and we can keep sending gifts year after year if you like. Cancel at any time.


Please take a look and see what you think…


http://www.giftinggenie.com/


Thanks!

…And now I have to get back to my regular type of posts—absolutely free helpful/interesting ideas & information 🙂  I hope you read the rest of my blog.


© NPM

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When “all options are on the table,” it is too easy to settle for the wrong option, thinking it’s the only viable or fast enough way.

When the wrong options are removed from the choices you make available to yourself, and the remaining selection isn’t appealing, you are forced to try to discover new options and good ways to enact the best option found.

Ozma of Oz would never have discovered a way to turn the evil spirits into agreeable spirits, if she had accepted the much-offered option of defensive fighting. Because she ruled out that response as not being an option, then she and her friends had time to notice not only a better solution, but one which might actually succeed; and then having chosen a good option, they were committed enough to give a needed nudge in the right place to make it work.

Think you can justify yourself in saying “all options are on the table” in order to surprise your enemies with your selected option? Never mind. Either you are willing to do anything to meet your goals, or else you are lying; and if you aren’t the type to choose wrong, then your opponent will know what is not really “on your table” anyway. You’ll have to do better than that to be surprising.

Don’t be lazy. Cast away wrong options for meeting your goals; then if you can’t find anything left, reconsider your goals and be patiently watchful for new options to arise.

© NPM

To see my books in print, please visit  www.Amazon.com  or www.BarnesAndNoble.com  OR visit my publisher’s website: www.rifll.com