Moods are Symptoms. Look Under the Surface & CONNECT With the Other Person to SOLVE or PREVENT an Outburst Problem.
December 19, 2014
Moods are symptoms. Don’t just react. Look under the surface and connect with the other person to solve or even prevent an outburst, tantrum, or other negative behavior.
I talked about this in a previous post, “Pain Is the Root Of Anger, and Why You Should Care” but today I’d like to amplify that by sharing the following post by Rebecca Thompson, M.S., MFT.
Her blog is about parenting, and this post of hers in particular reminded me of when my son was a toddler and he would routinely become annoying, fussy, and troublesome when he was tired. It was an irritating distraction for work-at-home parents. Of course the instantaneous reactionary impulse was to be short with him, tell him to stop being that way, even yell at him. But I wanted to love and help him, not hurt him. I found that all I had to do when he started acting badly, was realize that he had been awake for hours, and then pick him up and rock him on my shoulder. He felt the loving connection and quickly fell asleep. When he awoke, he was always able to behave much better.
For older kids too big to hold or too old for naps, a hug can be just as refreshing–like rebooting a computer which has clogged up and can’t function right.
For even older people or those you aren’t so personal with, look for a way to give a verbal hug. A kind word, compliment, or some acknowledgement that you are sympathetic.
Meeting and treating on a personal root level works with a person of any age—infant, toddler, teen, adult, and elderly. It can even work with animals.
Read Rebecca’s post: An Alternative View of Tantrums and Emotional Upsets
Or visit her website by clicking this image:
March 4, 2014
(Please share the illustration from below the text.)
Is living or working in a cramped or cluttered space driving you crazy?
You wish you had storage room to put stuff away, and more organization, and more money and time to make things the way you want them; or maybe you wish you could make some other person clear up their mess which is perpetually in your way. Maybe you’ll get that, but not today.
So put all that aside for a minute. Freeze. Take a breath. Today is the day you have in front of you, the day you feel the oppression building, and the day you want to feel great, be productive and radiate happiness. Right now, here’s an instant help—a mood and brain pick-me-up…
Stop always standing or sitting in the middle of your space.
At least for one minute.
I know you have to be close to your work to work on it, but being in the middle means your face is close to stuff no matter which way you turn. The cubic free space is also divided into smaller, unnoticed chunks, which visually mix with chunks of stuff.
Stand with your back in a corner or, against a wall or door.
Standing (or sitting) with your back against a corner or wall will allow all the space which is usually around and behind you to meet unobstructed, blending into a relatively large open area; it will also put all that space between you and the stuff that you’re tired of looking at.
Do it every chance you get!
Move back against a corner or wall any time you have a minute or more that you’re not hands-on with your work, like when you are answering the phone, drinking water or tea, eating a cookie, stretching, deciding your next chore, hugging your child, etc.. Move back and look into the opened-up space.
Don’t eat your cereal at the breakfast bar in the middle of the kitchen; eat sitting in a chair off in a corner, facing into the open space you’ve just walked out of. This will allow you a moment of physical AND emotional relaxation.
Don’t eat at the computer. See how much better you feel sitting on the floor with your lunch, on the opposite side of the room. Or try swiveling your chair with your back to your computer, and looking into a different part of the room while you munch.
Surprising additional benefits.
There is a benefit to this idea beyond giving yourself a time-out from feeling claustrophobically overwhelmed with both endless work and ever-growing chaos. You may find that stepping back occasionally to enjoy the space you never knew you had, also calms and resets your thinking enough to let happy new ideas and creative new solutions come to the front of your consciousness. You may see a way to quicken or lessen your workload. Or you may see a less stressful, and more grateful, way to think about things.
Take a literal step back, and a deep breath, and smile—as often as you can.
You may not have enough space for what you want, but now you know how to make your invisible space visible—and that can be a wonderful treat!