Moods are symptoms. Don’t just react. Look under the surface and connect with the other person to solve or even prevent an outburst, tantrum, or other negative behavior.

I talked about this in a previous post, “Pain Is the Root Of Anger, and Why You Should Care” but today I’d like to amplify that by sharing the following post by Rebecca Thompson, M.S., MFT.

Her blog is about parenting, and this post of hers in particular reminded me of when my son was a toddler and he would routinely become annoying, fussy, and troublesome when he was tired. It was an irritating distraction for work-at-home parents. Of course the instantaneous reactionary impulse was to be short with him, tell him to stop being that way, even yell at him. But I wanted to love and help him, not hurt him. I found that all I had to do when he started acting badly, was realize that he had been awake for hours, and then pick him up and rock him on my shoulder. He felt the loving connection and quickly fell asleep. When he awoke, he was always able to behave much better.

For older kids too big to hold or too old for naps, a hug can be just as refreshing–like rebooting a computer which has clogged up and can’t function right.

For even older people or those you aren’t so personal with, look for a way to give a verbal hug. A kind word, compliment, or some acknowledgement that you are sympathetic.

Meeting and treating on a personal root level works with a person of any age—infant, toddler, teen, adult, and elderly. It can even work with animals.

Read Rebecca’s post: An Alternative View of Tantrums and Emotional Upsets

Or visit her website by clicking this image:





Hoping to rocket to success in order to help the world with one’s platform or one’s profits, might be blinding oneself to a lot of important things and people which should be dealt with along the way. The world is not just all those people out there. It’s also the person in front of your nose, and the person in front of my nose.

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For the top of our goal lists:
Not everyone is meant to operate alike, and no one can help every person who crosses his or her path. Maybe some ought to zoom ahead to semi-stardom in order to broadcast their insights to crowds, while others are intended to deal one-on-one, and yet others are to make a slower ascent while helping a few along the way. But I believe that for everyone there is a right way to move ahead, so that we don’t cause harm in our wake—our goals should include recognizing our own right way.

Take time to find our way:
I intensely do not like being told to slow down (especially by anyone who doesn’t seem to aspire as high). I have great aspirations, and I know there is a lot to do to reach my goals. I want to help everyone, and do everything, and I only have so much time. I don’t just want to reach some high point just to be there, but because I want to be as helpful as possible; I want to rightly acquire enough resources to help others beyond my own family.  But I can’t do everything, and sometimes I do need to slow down enough to sort it out. We can’t read the road signs if we are going so fast that they are a blur.

This way, that way, their way…Or a unique and better way for each of us:
It’s easy to be wrapped up and bogged down in each day’s chores and the closest people’s demands on my attention, never moving toward bigger things. It’s also tempting to excessively react to that by charging ahead too fast, at great expense of health and missed opportunities for good. And, there is a danger in copying whatever seems to work for moving other people ahead, without listening to God’s nudges which tell me which methods are not right for me. We can certainly learn from others’ methods of success, but we should also be seeking God’s help in creating our own innovative and doubly positive personal paths.

Live this moment, trusting it will properly connect:
It takes effort to maintain balance between all the responsibilities which pull at me. I have to trust that I’ll reach my proper destination in good time, if I’m not afraid to invest the moment I have in the good opportunities that I have, even when those opportunities seem off track. But it’s easier when I remind myself of the core of my goals—to help people, which means to match needs with resources as best I can, or to at least point the way. I’m not really off track, if I’m helping someone who needs help. Sometimes we have more to share than we thought; different things to share with different people: knowledge with the ignorant, answers with the questioning, food with the hungry, guidance with the indecisive, confidence with the shy, time with the lonely, love with the dejected. If I am too determined to show everyone what I think is my one big gift, I’ll offend people I could have helped with my other gifts. If our goals are to help people when we “make it big,” shouldn’t we be pleased to help people along the way, even if that slows us down? Jesus came to save the world, but He didn’t refuse to take time to help individuals.

Success isn’t in how many seeds we plant, but in how many grow healthy. There can’t be much growth if everyone wants to plant, and no one wants to cultivate, feed, water, and prune.  The world needs friends, not just preachers.

Be generous:
Sure we have to earn a living and pay our bills, and buy what interests us or fills our needs—just as we expect others to work and pay for our labors. But more goes around than money. Energy goes around. Love goes around. Hate goes around. We can choose what winds we’ll ride on—the generous and providential winds, or the selfish and fearful ones.

Of course it’s unwise to give away all of our resources including all of our time, but it’s also wrong to withhold from those who need and can’t pay.  We can measure and limit our gifts as a pro bono or tithing percentage, OR we can seek spiritual prompting from the One who knows the pasts, futures, and hearts of everyone.
Check Your Reality:
Are you on the right track, even if it meanders?


© 2012 NPM